HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME…I AM FREE

Narcissists enjoy making other people feel worthless — especially on birthdays or holidays.  They can suck the joy out of your birthday, Christmas, the birth of a child…you name it.

I am an otherwise happy and sensitive-natured person.  Easy going.  I remember almost everyone’s birthday with ease because it’s their special day and they are special to me.  I remember elementary school friends birthdays to this day. So when my then husband started to “pretend” that he forgot all about my birthday, I was forgiving the first few times thinking between work and such, he was stressed.  Slowly I realized that he was doing everything in his power to manipulate my feelings.  He wanted me to feel bad and unworthy of any attention.  Once I learned that; I did not allow his hatred for my day or any holiday steal my joy.  I simply remained joyful and allowed him to wallow in his own nastiness.  It could be difficult at times as he would engage me in fights, call me names, insult my parents if they sent a card or stopped by with a gift but I was surrounded by people who would call or stop by or send a card, so it was easy to not let him affect me.  But it did.  It did break my heart that the one person who was supposed to love me hated when others showed me, love.  It hurt because it was confusing and such a hateful thing that I could not wrap my brain around it.

People who are egocentric love to attention hog, so ruining other people’s feelings of warmth or interpersonal contentedness with the world while celebrating any holiday, birthday, personal celebration, commemorative milestone, or symbolic season like Christmas is their forte. 

If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells while you are struggling to please or avoid the wrath of another person that gets worse during periods of high stress for a vacuous person, it’s NOT in your imagination.

So today, on my 54th birthday, I wake up to facebook messages as I head to have breakfast with my Dad on my special day.  I don’t wake up feeling guilty that I was born or have to hide my joy in the sheer pleasure of hearing “Happy Birthday” from my friends.  I can just smile and feel joyful.

The most important message on facebook today:  Happy birthday my dear friend. I hope your weekend is blessed. Be proud of what you have accomplished this year and be excited for what is around the corner!  from my dear friend Mike who has been my friend for over 35 years.

My biggest accomplishment was walking away from my abuser but it is a huge process.  You physically walk away and then you have to mourn, and process and be mindful not to let him continue to manipulate you through your children and financial means.  This was a huge year of growth for me personally and I am very, very proud of what I accomplished and I am soooo excited for what is around the corner.

This year Happy Birthday truly means it is a happy birthday because I am free and free feels amazing!

6 thoughts on “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME…I AM FREE

      1. My husband did the same it was if he didn’t want me to feel or experience any joy or happiness. He would not cooperate and make the day just miserable. Even though he is no longer here I haven’t healed enough to do so. Not looking forward to the upcoming holiday season.
        The one holiday I didn’t celebrate was Halloween, he would go all out for it. Buy the most expensive candy to pass out but wouldn’t buy food. It was important for our neighbors to see him as Mr.Wonderful while he terrorized the hell out of me in the inside.

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