A narcissist lives in the moment. His only thought process is how to get his needs met. Every phrase and every word they speak is their truth at that given moment. Think about it. “I HATE you”….for now, “I love you so much. You are my right arm”….for now. “I love this dinner. This is one of my favorites”…for now.
I’ve lived it. I would remake at a later time his favorite dinner only to be told and I’m not kidding, that it was pig slop and he would not eat it. I have been told that I was his right arm only to be told an hour later he didn’t know why he married me, I was fat and useless and he wasn’t sure he loved me.
I realize now that he would say at the time only what would satisfy his agenda and I realize that everything he said was truth to him in his twisted, brilliant mind. This is where empathy comes in. As painful and confusing as it was for me on the receiving end, you have to wonder how painful and confusing it is for him to have absolutely no control. Which brings us to another point. The Narcissist controls us because they can’t control themselves or the deep hurt that was put there long before we came along.
But being empathetic does not mean that we have to be a dumping ground for their toxic behavior. Not at the cost of us. We need to save ourselves because narcissists have no soul. No matter how much love they can show, their soul is a dark, empty place that cannot be filled. They cannot respect or love or have empathy unless it is satisfying their abusive need to be controlling and a martyr. They can go from glorifying you to crucifying you in a nanosecond and completely blindside your heart. Your best bet is to cut your losses and move on with your life to empower yourself and live but if you must stay then always remember to add….FOR NOW at the end of all their sentences.