THE NARCISSIST AND THE SILENT TREATMENT

The silent treatment is just another ploy of the narcissist to gain control.  It can last 2 hours to 2 months with no understanding on your part as to why he is silent.  Sometimes it is almost lost on you because it comes out of nowhere.

This is the narcissist’s child-like response to you standing your ground and not taking any shit from them.  Plain and simple.  In their head, you hurt their ego or stood your ground and set boundaries so they are going to show you….in their delusional world, they have the power to make or break you.  Ignoring you is removing you from their life and that is supposed to be very hurtful to you because remember, they are the superior ones and you want to be around them…who wouldn’t?  (That is their mindset.)

One of the biggest things I remember about my son’s concerts, and people pointed out to me after the divorce, is how he would walk in and absolutely pretend I did not exist.  He would snub me.  All other husbands are walking in, sitting with their wives, kissing them hello because they came from work and mine would walk in with his nose in the air and ignore me…even if I said hello.  He would look down at me and not respond. He would show no emotion towards me and it made him feel like a King.  He still does it now that we are divorced.  My life did not change any.  Monetarily it did but other than that, he treats me the same now that he did when we were married only now it doesn’t hurt me and he looks like the asshole he is.

He has spent so much time try to devalue me to his new girlfriend, his siblings, his father since this divorce.  He even went to Florida to visit his Dad so he could show pictures of the marital home I moved out of but hadn’t cleaned or finished moving out of and did his poor me, look how she left the house schtick. He took pictures of the house the day after I moved out knowing full well I was going back to finish and then rallied everyone around him in an attempt to play the martyr.  He’s happy because no one talks to me anymore in his family, but each one of these people at some point in our marriage and several times throughout our marriage told me to leave.  Told me he didn’t deserve me.  He can have them.  They are enabling him.  They have validated him and allowed him to devalue me and he feels it gives him power.  He has deliberately tried to ruin me.  I don’t care.  I will not allow him to devalue me in my own eyes.  They can believe what they want.  I have no need to care about what his family thinks.  What matters is what I think and who the people I surround myself with think.

He wastes so much energy trying to get his own way and hurt me. I have many times asked him how his new girlfriend feels about all the time he spends on me.  If I were her, I would be downright jealous.

We are in a new control mode now.  Not paying me what he owes me and giving me the silent treatment when I try to work things out.  I’m okay with that.  The law is on my side. It’s just so childish!

Not only that, I had what I thought could be something important happening with our younger son, and he won’t answer the phone even though I have said it’s an emergency, I need to talk to you.  S I L E N C E equals FATHER OF THE YEAR.  As usual, I played FEMA and cleaned it up without any help from him.  I don’t need him ….but I thought it was right he be involved or at least know. He didn’t care.  Hasn’t even tried to see if things are okay with the boys because in a narcissist’s mind…what matters is that things are okay with them.  Screw the kids or anyone else…it’s all about them.

There is no doubt that narcissists wear masks.  I’ve discussed this before.  This mask he is wearing right now when he gives me the silent treatment, is one of a child with his ears plugged, his eyes shut tight and his tongue sticking out.  I guess he’s showing me!  haha…I look past that mask and all I see is a part-time father who is now a non-existent Dad when his kids need him.  Sad but true but I won’t allow him to devalue our kids either.  I will be the strong one. I will keep them together and I will see to it that their needs are met to the best of my ability because his reality is not ours.  He can devalue our worth in his mind but I will never allow him to devalue our worth in our eyes.  So in keeping with the narcissist mind frame…I end with…nana nana boo boo *sticks out tongue at narcissist and walks away, head held high, shoulders back, ready to tackle the world!

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