WHY DO WE STAY?

There are many reasons a person stays in an abusive relationship.  Many abuse survivor’s cling on to the positive traits in their partner.  I know I did. We find ourselves making excuses on their behalf.  “He just works so hard….he can’t help it because he’s tired.”

Other times, like in my situation, it was fear of putting my boys in emotional and potentially physical danger if they were left alone with him.

Sometimes the strongest women are a target of domestic abuse.  You become trapped in hope and a prisoner of faith that things will change.  Especially during the latency phase of the abuse cycle.  You get a taste of normal and what it could be like.  Your life is happy and then BAM! It all crashes down again and you are in shock and despair.

Sometimes it’s safer to stay.  Keep your enemies close.  Threats of killing themselves, taking your children away and other abuse tactics leave you frozen in fear.

So how do you persevere?  It’s like a game.  You walk a tightrope as you gather information and watch.

I had to know my kids could stand up to their father before a move was made.  I started filing medical reports, and Restraining Orders when I had to.  I gave up my life so he wasn’t alone a lot with the kids because I feared for them.  I prayed.  I made myself vision boards of inspiration and empowerment.  I openly left myself encouraging messages on the fridge and my vanity mirror.  I continued to lift myself up and one day, he started an argument with our son and I knew it was time for him to go.

It has been a long process. I had to find me again and reconnect with my way of how I wanted my life to be.  This time, I kept myself hopeful and faithful in me.  That I had the strength to walk to the other side of the tightrope without falling.  I did it!  I made it to the other side and you can too!  Start with a vision board.  You can find free ones online or you can make one yourself out of cardboard.  I have different reasons for why I like each one.  Online I can add or remove at whim but I have to open my computer.  The one I make out of cardboard I can hang where I please and see it as a constant reminder. As you go through the process and find yourself again, add to your board and bring forth those things you need and want in your life.

I wish you joy and blessings as you free yourself from control and abuse and God’s healing light.

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