Was my ex diagnosed as a narcissist?  NO.  But he wasn’t diagnosed as an asshole either but he is one.  He spews shit wherever and whenever.  He can have the look of constipation when things don’t go his way, but he was never diagnosed.

Those of us who live with “narcissists” know enough about them to know, that while not medically diagnosed, they do indeed exhibit classic traits.  Traits that songs and articles are written about and shared.

I don’t know about you but there are people who want me to move on and not write about my experience but I feel, if I don’t write, then I am no better than a woman who gets raped and walks away allowing for the next woman to be attacked and abused.  I’m over my ex and while I have been diagnosed with PTSD, I can tell you that I have no desire to get even with my ex or have him back.  He could have sex with 60 young virgins and I would feel nothing.  I just don’t care but I do care about whether he hurts someone else or whether someone else is caught in the same trap of confusion and disbelief that I was.  That I do care about because it is a lonely, confusing, dark place.

I had to take notes during my marriage because I felt I was going crazy.  He would say things to me and then turn around and say he never said them.  He would tell me he loved dinner and a month later, tell me he wasn’t eating that pig slop.  The same slop I wrote down in my notebook and put a star  next to.  Same for dresses or shirts or the way I wore my hair.  I would keep track so that when the insults came, I could know that I was not losing my mind.  Doing this helped me keep my sense of self.  My sanity as I walked the tightrope of narcissism.

Look, no matter what you call it, we who have lived it all know a narcissist isn’t going to get a diagnosis because they “don’t need counseling.  It’s you who has the issue.”  I believed this for years but no matter what you call it, if it feels wrong, it is wrong.  Start taking care of yourself and finding a way out because this asshole you are with, will never stop spewing shit.


  1. Writing also helps you move on. I was abused for 12 years in all ways possible. Our stories can hopefully help others. Great idea writing this down that he said to you but dam a relationship should not have to be that crazy that you felt you had to! Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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