Sunday 1/26/06

Tried to be loving.  Rejected.  He has slept on the couch until 3 a.m. or later all this week.  4 out of 6 days, he did not say “goodbye” when he left for work. I saw him pulling out of the driveway.

When I talked to him, he didn’t look at me nor respond.  When I repeated myself he yelled at me.  “DO YOU NEED A RESPONSE FOR EVERYTHING?  OF COURSE, I HEARD YOU!  YOU ARE RIDICULOUS!”  (Okay, steady…is it normal to answer someone?  Because I was always raised that it is….tightrope…balance…deep breath…don’t let him see you get annoyed at his lack of respect.)

He became increasingly porky and when I made a comment about the Superbowl winners being called “World Champions” he yelled at me again.  “You’ll bitch about anything!”  I can’t stand being near you or listening to you.  You’re so annoying.”  (Okay, brush it off, it’s just his opinion…for now.)

I went to bed.  Clearly rejected and again verbally abused for no reason.  This is just a piece of the day.

Monday 1/27/06

He didn’t say a word to me.  I said, “Good Morning” but no response.   He worked in his office of course.  Just like yesterday afternoon, last night and this morning.  My oldest son wasn’t up so there was no reason for him to be around.  He did hang with the younger son some.  Took a shower.  Got ready to leave.  He shouted, “I’m leaving.”  I didn’t respond. After all, it’s ridiculous to expect a response.  He then boomed “I’M LEAVING!”  *oops his Master expects a response.  Okay, walk that tightrope…be cheerful and calm.  “Okay.  Thanks for telling me. Have a good day.”  Oh my God!  He said Goodbye.  I don’t know whether to bow deeply at his feet or count my blessings.  I’m such a lucky girl!

*these diary pieces are notes I kept throughout my marriage. Hundreds of pages that I will intermittently blog 



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