The first step to finding peace after abuse is to talk about it. Validate yourself. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. I’ll be honest, people are uncomfortable with it but you need to not live in fear or shame anymore. You cannot deny what you have suffered through and the time and effort it takes to get back to your center after being off balance for so long.
You need to learn how to take care of yourself. You have lived in a walk on eggshells, fight or flight world for so long that you don’t know what normal is anymore. You just know you crave it and in order to get there, there is a lot of self-care involved.
If you are like me, normal in a day is getting through the day without one incident that I was shamed or punished or blamed in some way. And usually, the incident was made up or made into an issue. An argument (out of nowhere) would always end up as 3 hours to 3 weeks of silence and punishment.
With knowledge, education and the support of other victims/targets you will see the complete picture and slowly but surely you will start to take care of yourself. Your soul purpose will be to get the hell out of the toxic relationship. In order to take care of yourself, take in a movie you want to see, listen to music, get a pedicure or a massage, meditate. Educate yourself some more, read, talk with other survivors of abuse. It helps to know you are not alone. When you finally break free, get to the point of no contact or at least as little as possible so that they cannot pour their poison down your throat. They will talk about you. They will seek out people to believe their lies. Stand tall. Eventually, as you work through your abuse, you will be vindicated.
When all of the dust settles, you will start to find peace. It takes a lot of personal work to get through the abuse you have been dragged through but you will get there. Lean on those you can trust. Be prepared for people you never expected, to walk out of your life. Just know that this is a part of the process and you are going to be okay. You need understanding and support, not emotional vampires. And definitely not others who make you feel unsafe. If they need to go, let them go. You are going to be okay. People I never expected to stick by me, did and talked me through the unsafe times and the down times when the abuse continued via phone. The people you need will be there. You have to have faith that they will be.
And should you falter, should you miss your abuser, it is important to remember, NO MATTER WHAT, that there is NO SUCH THING AS A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM! Get out, get healthy, and when the right person comes along, your soul will continue to heal and your heart will smile and normal will be a bad day once in a while instead of a good day once in a while.