When facing a difficult situation it is important to remember that energy is energy and if you can learn to channel it into the proper direction, nothing can stop you! I will transform the emotional turmoil into something positive and I will continue, to be honest about my life. I’m not hiding anymore. I was a target…not a victim.
The decision to leave is not an easy one to make, but it might have been one of the most important decisions you’ve ever made. How do you blossom into the beautiful soul you were meant to be after abuse?
First of all be proud of yourself and congratulate yourself. You are still healing and reeling from all that has happened to you but you were strong and walked away or allowed him to walk out the door.
Take care of yourself. For me it was massage. I would go and let them push all of that stress out of me so I could sleep and manage. I was able to do that and was lucky to be able to with a membership to a local massage spa. I would listen to the spa music and even purchased some great music called Liquid Mind from a local shop that helped me relax and sleep. I did aromatherapy with candles and lotion. I pampered myself which hadn’t happened in a very long time. I took care of me. I worked out to relieve stress. I meditated to Tibetan bowls. I found what worked and stuck with it. I actually went through menopause during my divorce and never knew it. I kept myself as level as possible.
For two full weeks, I avoided contact with him. I allowed him to talk to the kids and let them have their relationship. I wanted nothing to do with him. I slept and did all the things that I was denied. I turned down the heat and wrapped myself in blankets. I lit candles and read magazines and slept without care. I had no one to monitor what I did or how I did it. It was a freedom I had not felt in a long time. No judgments and no yelling and no put downs.
I wrote down all the abusive comments, all the ways he made me feel inadequate and useless. Anything he did to make me question my value and I put them on paper, lit them on fire and released them into the air. I actually said, “I release your negativity from my life. Your words do NOT define me. I am free.” And then I did my best to keep those things from haunting me and when it came time for a new relationship, I kept his negativity out of my relationship. To this day, no one knows who I am dating. Not my kids and not him. When I moved into my new relationship, I vowed to not let my new guy pay for what I had endured.
For the first time ever I accepted help from people who wanted to be there for me instead of thinking I had to face this on my own. I gave up my tightrope walk and I leaned on people. I let them into my secret world. I started to talk about what I had endured. I shared that in our years together 3 counselors had told me I was an abused wife and to leave, including our last marriage counselor. I was forced to see the last counselor because he brought our then 10-year-old into our issues and had my son beg me to go. (control..he knew I would save face with our son) I told people so I could forgive myself. I had to forgive myself for being so stubborn and trying to make a man happy that would never be happy. I was so mad at myself for thinking he would ever be happy and I was so guilt-ridden about what my children had endured.
Once I went through this process, and it was hard, it did not happen overnight, good things started to happen to my life. I had a wonderful, supportive, sexy man in my life. I moved away from the marital home and found more peace than I had ever known. I got great reviews at work. As you divorce, the abuse continues, through him and through the legal system, but I started to blossom anyway because nothing is as bad as what you have endured. I had buds and new growth and beautiful dark leaves. I started to write as I had always wanted to. I started to live and not look over my shoulder. I made decisions I had not been allowed to make in our marriage. I was taking care of myself and didn’t need permission to be an adult and to this day, I continue to blossom both at work and home. I’m still walking my journey and he is still preoccupied with throwing boulders in my life’s path but now instead of crumbling I just look at that boulder and I say which way shall I tackle this, this time? Shall I climb over it or shall I walk around it? Once in a while, I trip. I pick myself back up and I continue on my way. My eyes focused on my future when I am in full bloom and the world can see all of my color!