When a relationship comes to an end, life can get a little messy. When a relationship with a narcissist comes to an end, it becomes a nightmare. Their need for control and their love of the legal system and the power it gives them makes it really hard to get yourself together. For a long time, you are still living that control and walking on eggshells. They are involving the children if you have them. They are threatening you or withholding financial support. They are bribing you to work things out, while simultaneously telling you all that is wrong with you and building up their army. Their siblings, parents, any friends who will listen.
You have to keep the side of your street clean. Take a class or join a gym. I went back to belly dancing which I love. Go out and network and socialize even if you don’t stay long. Pamper yourself and if you need to, seek professional help. Cut all contact if possible and write down all the reasons you do not belong together. Realize that it is not your fault. Do you hold some responsibility? Of course but keep in mind that he’s just acting like a little boy playing grown up and there’s no way you could’ve played it to have a different outcome. A narcissist is always the victim. There was no way, no matter what I did, that would make my narcissist happy in any way or form. Every time I thought I had it figured out. BAM! It sucks to fail all the time.
I wasn’t ready, but through networking I reconnected with someone and through him, I learned that I am lovable and sexy and desirable and I do a lot of things right. He’s understanding, logical, communicative and we are absolute magic together. He waited a year for us to build our friendship and have intimate contact. No matter what happens with this relationship, I am better for it because he proved to me that I was worthy of being loved for who I am and he is sexy as hell…but I digress. I’m not saying to jump into a relationship before you have worked on yourself, but I am saying, to give yourself permission to live and don’t let another man pay for the sins of your ex-narcissist. Nothing feels better than being unconditionally loved by someone who finally deserves you.