Empower yourself and live!  Here are a few ways to get you started:

  1. Let go of your abuser and what you thought you had
  2. Accept that life is not perfect
  3. Set goals for yourself that don’t rely on his or her permission
  4. Do something creative
  5. Self-talk every day about all those things you know are right about you
  6. Make a gratitude/happiness journal and always write down one thing about your day
  7. Work on improvement not perfection. There is no need for perfection in anyone’s eyes but your abusers.
  8. Accept that you cannot make your abuser happy no matter how hard or how long you try
  9. Don’t make your happiness conditional upon certain things. Just be happy
  10. Do something kind for someone else that will appreciate it
  11. Love yourself
  12. Take care of yourself.  No one else will
  13. Read or listen to uplifting books. Try to do one a week
  14. Skepticism is easy. Have faith in something bigger than you
  15. Don’t worry about the outcome.  Just work on making a better life for yourself
  16. Visualize yourself doing something you love with your life.  Then, make it happen
  17. Take an hour a day for yourself to exercise and meditate
  18. Spend time with friends who love you for who you are and are fun to be with
  19. Fill your emotional bank.  Whatever that means to you.
  20. Self-evaluate and change a behavior or habit that needs changing
  21. Make a To-do list and draw a line through things you have accomplished
  22. Be spontaneous
  23. Take time to reflect on your blessings
  24. Wake up and act like it’s going to be an awesome day
  25. Take a class and learn something new or follow a new skill on Youtube
  26. Follow your intuition.  You know what is in your heart.  Don’t let your abuser talk you out of your God given gift of intuition.
  27. Trust yourself.  Your opinions are just as important as anyone else’s.  Don’t let your abuser diminish and dismiss you.  You are kind and smart
  28. Wear something colorful and cheerful
  29. Pick or buy yourself flowers for your house.  This always cheered me up!
  30. Use Aromatherapy to help boost your mood
  31. Be present. Instead of dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future, just practice being and living in the ‘now.’
  32. Slow down.  Your abuser has you walking on egg shells, trying to be perfect.  Don’t live in those constraints anymore.
  33. Stop procrastinating.  Start putting your ducks in a row to leave.  If you have left.  Start living your life.
  34. If you have things to get off your chest, find a counselor or write them down and get them out!
  35. Do something special with your kids.  A movie picnic in the house, gardening whatever.
  36. Do something special without your kids.  Maybe dress up and go out to dinner with a friend.  My favorite was to get grown-up pizza with my best friend which meant we could have what we wanted on it
  37. Take pride in the hard times you have overcome and for being a survivor of domestic abuse.  Not everyone understands what you have endured but a lot of us do.  Follow the blog and get the support and validation you need.
  38. Don’t talk negatively.  Do your best to keep your words positive.  Positive and negative cannot co-exist
  39. Don’t hold yourself to impossible standards.
  40. Reconnect with an old friend
  41. Get rid of emotional vampires in your life.
  42. Volunteer.  Someone always has a different situation than you and it will make you feel good to be able to help someone else.
  43. Start to manage your own finances so that your abuser is not managing you.  Even if it means you are squirreling away a little bit at a time to leave or if you have left and he is not paying you on time, do what you need to do to not let him control that part of your life
  44. Stop caring about what other people think. They have not walked in your shoes
  45. Fake it until you feel it
  46. Forgive so you can move on.  Your abuser is sick.  Accept that it is not your fault and move on
  47. Don’t compare yourselves to others. Especially if your abuser gets a new love interest.  Remember, it is just a matter of time before that person’s world comes crashing down around them as yours did.
  48. Go for a walk and take in nature. The sound of the birds and trees rustling.  The feel of Fall.  The bright red of a cardinal.  Whatever it may be.  Enjoy
  49. Stop finding reasons to be sad.  We like to go back to what is familiar.  Don’t. It is your time to find yourself again and have no one telling you how you should be and to make you unhappy.
  50. Fall in love again and make sure you don’t let your new person pay for the abuser’s mistakes.  There are some amazing people out there who know how to love and communicate and be a loving partner.  Don’t search for them but when they come along, don’t chase them away either.


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