Synonyms:  Wrong, indecency, iniquity, wickedness, squalor, depravity are a few synonyms of the noun vice which mean bad habit or sin.

Then there is the bench vice.  A tool that clamps down on something with jaws to keep let’s say, a piece of wood in its in place.  You can’t remove that piece of wood from the vice.  It is holding it in its steely grip very tightly.  The little teeth or grooves bearing down into the flesh of the wood.  If the vice is used correctly, it helps keep your work piece steady.  If not, it leaves marks in the wood and may even crack or break your workpiece.  And that right there is the difference between a man and an abuser.  A man knows just how tight to hold you and when to set you free and he doesn’t clamp down on you so tight emotionally and physically that he damages you.  An abuser clamps down as hard as possible ripping into your flesh, bruising you emotionally with the bite of his words, gripping you tightly so that you can’t possibly have friends outside of his world.  He wrenches the handle tighter and tighter until you crack and your light and soul leak out of you.  Until there is only a shadow of who you are left and then he breaks you open with one last wrench of the handle so that you have nothing else you can do but to fall apart in pieces from this vice grip and let him humiliate you for doing so.

And that brings us to the other definition.  It’s wrong, indecent, wicked, and makes you deprived of love and light and happiness.  This is their sin, not yours.  You did nothing to deserve this, so pick your pieces off the floor, put yourself back together.  Someday you will find the person who knows just how to use the vice correctly.  They will hold you tight but not too tight.  They will let you soar because they are not threatened by you.  They will feed your soul and nurture your heart.  They will put “love cement” in all those cracks.  They will watch you shine from within through your eyes.  You will know love and acceptance.

I often say “know that you are unconditionally loved by me because you are perfectly imperfect in my eyes” and I mean it.  We all deserve that from friends or lovers or family.  Accept nothing less.



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