You can let the torment’s of your abuse define you or you can use it to grow. Start clipping yourself the way a farmer trims an apple tree. Work through that pain. Cut it off. Let it seep out of you through your wounds. It will slow down. And when sun (happiness) starts to warm those cuts, just like an apple tree, you will heal and your foundation with fill out and new growth will start. Your suffering and working through this part of your life gives you an opportunity to become a better person, a stronger person, a changed person. A person whose new growth can take them farther than they ever imagined.
Sometimes the farmer needs farm hands. For you that can mean a psychologist or psychiatrist, your doctor, certain friends…because we can never reach all of our branches that need trimming. For me it was God. I allowed him to trim me down to only my trunk and a few branches. I was left feeling naked and vulnerable. I asked help from my friends. I turned to my doctor when I needed to. It took a while for my leaves to fill in. For the sap of the hurt to stop flowing. For the angry cuts to heal.
I am now full and lush. Blossoming into a deeply rooted, beautiful apple tree and bearing fruit to give others. My fruit symbolizes my gifts I offer. An open heart, a ready smile, patience, kind heart and pure of heart living. I have always had these gifts but they were hard to find under all those dying branches. I was being weighted down by my abuser and his tactics. You can clearly see my fruit now and pick it as needed. I give it freely. Unencombered by his smothering abuse.
I genuienly believe in the goodness of mankind. I wasn’t going to allow one person, no matter how long he was in my life, to steal any more of my life from me. Nor was I going to allow his words to invade what I had always known to be true about myself. It took a lot of work but I faced it head on and I turned my pain, into gain.