Fragile. [fraj–uh l ] Adjective meaning easily broken, shattered, or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail,
I am not a fragile person. I am not easily broken. I am not frail. I am mysterious to some. Passionate. Honest. But I remember at times laying there like a bird with a broken wing. Trying to get out of bed and move into my day. The weight of my broken heart too heavy. The lack of understanding pinning me to the bed. My broken wing representative of my relationship. Could it be repaired? Did I even know how if I didn’t understand what was wrong or would I never fly again?
I did fix my wings, as hard as he tried to clip them and I realize now that it is actually the narcissist who is fragile. As forceful as he likes to think he is, a real man does not use force the way he did. A real man doesn’t name call or try to intimidate with his size. A real man is not threatened by a strong woman. Instead, he lifts her up and watches her soar. He doesn’t sink down in a chair when someone is handing her flowers on stage, he sits proudly and kisses her when she sits down beside him, proud of who he married and who she is. Proud that people appreciate her as much as he does.
I think the biggest thing I missed in my life all these years was the chance to be vulnerable. I always had to be strong to walk that tight rope and keep my balance. Vulnerability is something that I learned with someone else. I knew I would not be hurt on purpose. It took courage and it was powerful and I liked being able to open myself up to someone like that knowing that yes, I could be hurt unintentionally but I knew, after all I had been through, it was not going to be intentional. I liked letting my guard down. It opened up so many more doors for me and helped me grow as a person.
It’s actually narcissists that have fragile egos. They can dish it out but they cannot take it. They swing back and forth between self-importance and superiority and hurt. They make demands on you and lack joy and are never satisfied. You can’t fix it. You can’t make it better. YOU are not fragile, THEY ARE. Hell, you’re not even broken. You are worn out and beaten down by never being able to win and not understanding what the hell is going on but not fragile.
Do yourself a favor, recognize it for what it is, spread your wings and fly.