DOES YOUR ABUSER?
- Worry about you leaving
- Demand your attention
- Act Paranoid
- Dislike Surprises
- Like to be in control of everything.
- A perfectionist and expects you to be one
- Feels lonely or says he’s lonely even though you are there
- Find the home happier with obedient children
- Act suspicious of people’s motives all the time
- Feel like people are talking behind their back
- Shuts you out for long periods of times when they are angry
- Calls you names
- Constantly criticizes you and corrects you
- Puts you down
- Acts condescending and dismissive
- Ridicules you
- Belittles your accomplishments
- Treats you as if you are inferior
- Feels that you are not good enough
- Insist they have told you something when they have not
Abusive relationships are driven by an abuser who is morbidly insecure. It is the fear of not being loveable and fear of appearing weak that drives them. BUT, an abuser IS weak. That’s why they abuse. They need to maintain some sort of control.
Abuse comes in many forms and extremes. It’s domination and submission. Giving and withholding.
We as victims are starving emotionally. We take in as much as our abuser throws at us and we feed on it hungrily and learn to live in a feast or famine situation. We gorge ourselves on love and acceptance when it is offered and starve when it is not present. That is emotional abuse.
My ex was famous for starving me emotionally. I would try to kiss him good-bye or hello or goodnight and he would shun me but that same day he would be grinding against me in the kitchen, as I stood at a hot stove, and was trying to get dinner on the table and would get upset when I didn’t find it the most opportune time to get cozy. I wasn’t against a kiss on the neck or a peck on the cheek but the full arm wrap and squeeze from behind, pulling me into him was a bit much considering what I was trying to accomplish. While my simple kisses were met with grimaces, my lack of abandon while I juggled dinner and the kids were in the other room, were considered being frigid. I truly believe to this day, it was a way to control me and make me believe I was not normal.
If any of the above sound familiar, there is a good chance you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Here are some numbers that can help if you need to talk.
NATIONAL CHILD ABUSE HOTLINE 1-800-422-4453 http://www.childhelp.org
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1-800-799-7233 www.nclvh.org
RAGE, ABUSE & INCEST NATIONAL NETWORK 1-800-331-9474
NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE 1-800-273-8255 www.suicidepreventionlifelive.org
WILLOW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Rochester, NY (Where this blog is based) 585-232-5200 24 hour hot line 585-222-safe
I encourage those from out of state to comment with their domestic abuse hotline. Please put City, State, and Number.