THIS IS WHAT COERCION LOOKS LIKE

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I was presented with an offer. It is half of what he owes me in the equity of the house. He is offering me less because he sold our marital home on Facebook and took less than the appraised value. He didn’t even try to sell it for more. I waited until the weekend to open the offer because I knew I could not give it any attention. I then contacted an attorney to look it over. It took me a week to get in because of his court schedule. Then, came to Jewish holiday and he was very upfront about it.  That between the holiday and his court cases it would be a few weeks. So in these last four or five weeks I have sent three letters to my ex and his attorney communicating that I am still waiting and that the attorney is busy. I even went so far as to send my attorney an email and I got his automatic response back proving that he was not in the office so that I could send it to my ex. This is the email I got back from my ex today after I let him know that I had sent the letter to see where we stood. Talk about coercion!

Me:

Have emailed attorney this morning to see where we stand.  I do know between the holiday and his caseload he said it would be a few weeks.
The narcissist:

I am requesting the name of your attorney. I am sure it can get prioritized with some communication from the court.

Please don’t put me in the position of filling another motion to take this to court. Can’t you just do this one last thing the right way?

Notice how he immediately is berating me for not doing things the right way. This is a man who takes a legal document, is trying to pay me half of what he owes me and tells me I’m not doing it the right way.

I responded.

I am doing it the right way. Protecting myself.  You can file if you want.  You cannot make me sign or accept what you presented. 

I’m in no rush.  I have a right to have an attorney look at it and his scheduling and prior committments are none of your business.

As for prioritizing, that’s your issue, not mine.  You are no more important than anyone else on his list.

His response. A direct threat.

Okay, you’ve made a choice and I will make mine

My response back:

That’s fine.  With the correspondence, you will look bad to the judge, not me.

You can no longer abuse me and threaten me into submission.  If you want to try to use the court, be my guest.  It’s your money you’re wasting.

I have kept you up to date and done the right thing.

Do what you have to.

Here’s the thing. I’m not saying I’m not taking the offer. I’m saying I want an attorney to look it over. But he has decided that he knows exactly what I’m doing and he is chomping at the bit and trying to control me. I don’t care if he files. What do I care? I have a right to have somebody look these papers over. Because my divorce attorney moved out of town, I have to have another attorney look things over and that is all the documents from the beginning of time when we started the divorce. He has no right to put a time limit on my response. Especially when I have kept in contact and communicated what is going on.

There was a time this type of behavior would have thrown me into a tizzy and I wouldn’t  have been unable to sleep or function and I would have been crying. Not anymore. He no longer controls me or the children. It doesn’t matter what the outcome of this is. What matters, is that I am in control. I can’t control what the judge is going to do. I can’t control how she is going to rule. But I can control whether he affects my life!

Today I took another piece of my life back.  He can’t coerce me anymore!

3 thoughts on “THIS IS WHAT COERCION LOOKS LIKE

  1. Stand your ground, I dread the day I start the legal stuff. I know all about that tizzy feeling & being mistreated and threatened until submission. Before my husband left he tried to trick me into relinquishing my rights to his retirement funds by telling me that it was an adjustment to the beneficiary funds in case of his death that I would be receiving 100% of the funds. Well that didn’t make sense to me because if he’s dead and it’s only him & I,. then I would already be receiving 100% of the funds,..so I Googled it and what I found out he was trying to get me to sign was a relinquishment to all my rights to all the funds. After I let him know that I’ve had researched it and what the true meaning of the form was he berated me and call me every stupid ass b**** and everything else all because I was smart enough to outsmart him. So I know the fight you are in and the battle I’m yet to enter. Stay strong.❤❤

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