The holidays were torture for me. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, you name it. There is nothing a Narcissist loves more than to suck the joy out of every, little, thing. My birthday was the perfect way to show me how little I meant. He would stroll past me in the house, nose in the air, completely ignoring me. It’s not that I need anything but a good morning, happy birthday wasn’t to be found anywhere.
The holidays always present huge stress triggers for them and you as the target are sitting right there just waiting to be unloaded on…unbeknownst to you. From what you fix to eat to what you wear, you will be targeted. How you eat, what you got them for a gift, who you spoke to or didn’t speak to at the company Christmas party, how you respond to a gift they give you…doesn’t matter. They will verbally rape you and emotionally crush you and scrape out any bit of joy, even if you have children.
Remember, they want to be the center of attention and the holidays overshadow their presence. It was always about his expectations of how I should respond to a gift. His overindulgence of the kids because he felt guilty about how much he worked and was away. The holidays were all about him really. Being the big provider and “the man” and just wanting to be thanked over and over again. Narcissists want to make sure that they are the sole source of joy and if they can’t be, they will be certain to be the cause of pain and angst.
On the flip side of the extravagant gift giving is the crying poverty. Even to this day, my children will say they are not sure which way their Dad will go. He will either buy them everything on their list or he will cry poverty and get gifts that make no sense and have no meaning. I truly believe that sometimes, like the time he bought me a large parka and another time he bought me a frying pan, that he took delight in my confusion at the gift and the disappointment I was trying so hard to hide.
Now that we are no longer together, a different kind of fighting and control takes place. He lures the children to his house without consulting me. He does not follow the Separation Agreement at all. He makes up his own rules and he usually overspends. The one time I splurged and bought my son’s an Xbox One which was really hard to come by that year, he found them one and bought it. Now he has one at his house that is rarely played because they don’t go there and we are investing in a new one when they come out because my boys use theirs every, single day.
It’s time to stop letting the narcissist suck the joy out of your holidays. The last Thanksgiving I had with my grandfather was ruined by my narcissist screaming at me in the kitchen that he didn’t want my family there and wanted everyone to go home. It was awkward and mean and I felt awful. I never got another Thanksgiving with my grandfather as he passed away that June.
Want to give yourself an amazing gift? Give yourself your life back and dump the narcissist. It will be the best gift you have ever not received.