PERCOLATE

boiling-over-pot-of-rice_istock

You can feel the abuser’s feelings and emotions start to percolate.  You are vividly aware that they are about to bubble over.  The problem is, you never quite know when or what will set it off.  You tip toe around, stepping carefully as if the ground were covered with shards of glass.    Your own feelings start to percolate.  Worry, anxiety, and fear spilling over into what you are trying to keep as normal as possible in your life.  Dealing with kids, family or work or all of it together.

Thing is, they don’t recognize their own feelings.  So while you and the children and maybe even their co-workers, especially if they are a boss, are aware that Doom’s Day is coming, they aren’t.  This is very telling in how they are very contradictory of themselves and they can do it in the same sentence without even realizing it.  They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they’ll say you’re lying, making stuff up, or are crazy.  At this point, your own feelings start to percolate from panic to confusion.   Narcissists pay attention only to themselves and stuff that affects them personally.

This is what I started to do and it got me through.  I found great meditations on Youtube and I saved my favorites.  I also used Liquid Mind music, also on Youtube.  I would light a candle, close the door and meditate.  I would visualize white light coming out of the top of my head, pouring over me and then I would talk to God.  I would simply say, I can feel it coming.  Please keep me safe and help me handle things in the right way.  I stopped worrying about what he was going to do and started taking control of how I responded instead. If he yelled, I would sit in stone silence until he was done.  Then I would say, “Is that all?”  And I would walk away.  If he followed me, I would get in my car and go.  Although more times than not, my lack of response and unwillingness to feed his narcissistic needs, caused him to leave.  I was not above validating him if his concern was one that truly needed to be addressed but if it was just him belittling me and spewing his anger, I just would not allow myself to take it in or be afraid.  It was at that time I visually put up a shield around me and let him bubble over.  It took me a long time to get there but because I did not trust him with the children, I had to find a way to save myself and endure a few more years.  I used everything in my toolbox to keep me strong and to keep my own emotions from percolating and bubbling over.

Find a voice on Youtube that calms you for meditation .  Find your own music that calms you.  This is what worked for me.  I used aromatherapy from Bath and Body Works.  Spearmint/Eucalyptus, Youtube meditations, I like Lisa Beachy’s voice and Liquid Mind.  Learn how to visualize those shields protecting you and that white cleansing light pouring over you.  It will get you through some tough times.

Blessings.

 

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