Feeling powerless?  Perhaps we put too much emphasis on the here and now and how long it will take us to get there.  Maybe, perhaps, it is the journey, rather than the destination that is most meaningful.

When you are in an abusive relationship and are controlled, you are looking for control somewhere.  Almost like a child who will battle to the end of the earth to wear the blue shirt instead of the red one. They do this because we as parents dictate their lives for a while and they want to be in control of something.  We as adults, who have that abuser who treats us as if we are stupid, beneath them and have no say, are looking for anything in our lives to control.  So, I think instead of focusing on ourselves in the here and now, we focus on the future, which seems unobtainable under the present circumstances or we focus on the past which we have absolutely no control to change.

When I changed my mindset, I slowly started to change my world.  I focused on the now, gave a little thought to where I wanted to be but I lived in the moment and it took me a long time to grieve my past.  What had been taken from me and what I had lost, including my youth, my own friends and some of my family.  I made myself face that.  I did not allow anyone to tell me how long my grieving process should take and I faced it head on, while in the marriage so that when the marriage ended, I could start to move into my future faster.  I also reconnected with some old friends and slowly started to build relationships with them.

Then, I began to empower myself.  I exercised, I meditated, I sought refuge with a walk in the woods, I started to hang out with my girlfriends and make dinner plans, I regained my positivity and lived it no matter what he did. I did have days but I only allowed myself one day and then I pushed forward by playing music I love or doing an extra Jazzercise class with the people I loved and knew.  It gave me bonding time and stress-relief. I took an art class. I sat with my best friend at her house and drew mandalas and listened to music.  Even if I wanted to run because my anxiety was bubbling over, I stayed and I pushed through whatever activity I had committed to.  I did it for me.

I broke it piece by piece how I wanted to get to the new me and if I didn’t meet a deadline, I moved it forward just like you do on a calendar of things to do and I did not let myself get upset with me because ultimately, I am a Mom first and that Mom stuff does get in the way of our goals sometimes.  Especially when you are parenting alone which I did even when married.  I am still, quite a few years later, working through my list and my happiness level and my content level goes up and up and up with each passing day. I still have days I have had enough.  I still have new relationships that disappoint.  I still am parenting alone but I empowered myself.  I empowered myself in my mind, I took action and I have found that I am also empowering myself in the world!

You’ve got this!



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