Bribes come in all sizes and shapes. For my girlfriend’s daughter, it came in the form of a puppy last night and an invitation to live with her narcissist Dad and his wife when she finishes college, which she is finishing early, by the way, no thanks to her Dad’s influence. Now, this 20-year-old has always wanted a puppy, and her Mother, who single-handedly raised 3 beautiful, intelligent, powerful women, was blindsided by this move.
There are 3 things happening here. Part of this is experience talking and part of it is intuition. My take on this is that this monumental bribe happened because my girlfriend recently stuck up for herself. 13+ years of marriage, about 12 years divorced and she finally told him enough his enough and for the first time ever called his bluff. The other thing that is happening here, and it is no secret, the father and step-mom have a favorite daughter. My girlfriend happens to be visiting this daughter in Chicago for Thanksgiving so I believe there is also some jealousy there but this attorney and his wife have always had the means to visit any of the girls. They chose not too. It was my girlfriend who drove to colleges 4 hours away to attend her girls’ concerts and programs. Sometimes by herself and sometimes with me in tow. It was my girlfriend who fielded homesick phone calls, made appointments and got the girls what they needed, including transportation, not their Dad or stepmom. Hell, an adult friend, her father’s age, had to take his middle daughter to Chicago. My girlfriend could not get out of obligations and her Dad couldn’t possibly make sure his daughter moved there safely with her things in tow. This other Dad stepped up to help.
The final and most important thing here is financial abuse which he has displayed throughout their divorce. He wants his youngest daughter to live with him so he can have a live-in babysitter for his dogs, although she didn’t have a key to his house right for a while and was not able to visit the dogs when she missed them she now magically has a key and if she moves in, he doesn’t have to pay my girlfriend any more child support.
What is so bad about this situation is that his step-sons are drug addicts holed up in the basement of their home, who smoke and lay about without jobs and her daughter has asthma so any extended length of time there, causes her to be sick. How can he not know about his daughter’s health? If he chooses to support these losers, how can he not care if his daughter his around them? She’s young, successful. Why bring her into that den of doom? Even if you remove everything else, how can he not know? Simple. Narcissists don’t care about their children. They care about themselves and they are so wrapped up in winning and hurting the other parent that they really have no common sense. They just forge ahead with one plan in mind. Hurting the other parent so that they can ruin them emotionally and financially. He wants to set my girlfriend back so that she is put back into her submissive role. Not going to happen with a friend like me around! We are on to him and I will stand behind her or beside her. Whatever she needs.
The good thing is, a while ago, my friend offered to get her daughter a kitten when she moved back home so she will have that and it will require less time and attention than the dog her Dad bought. And, this daughter knows she can’t live there and be healthy. He actually screwed himself.
What I see happening next is him trying to financially abuse his daughter. It has already started with her college fund but I anticipate, it will amp up when things don’t go his way. I’ll be there for her too. Every step of the way. These four beautiful women are not going to allow this to happen anymore. They will choose their battles and they will build a wall, locking arms with each other against his bribes and games. The girls will figure out how to have or not have a relationship with him and set boundaries, just as my sons did and soon all he will hear is “checkmate.” He will have no other move. He will have to knock his king down and the Queen, she will be standing, proud and tall with her girls beside her.