One thing I have learned is that Domestic Abuse does not discriminate. It doesn’t matter what race, how much you make, whether you abuse drugs or don’t. My blog is reaching other countries. There is a need for Domestic Abuse information. A need to connect with others who are living it and those who have been through it an survived.
I have also learned that living in it, day to day, wondering what insult will be hurled next, when the next choke or punch is coming, how long I will be denied monetarily or sexually is a million times worse than the innuendos, even though they have a girlfriend, the amping up when he loses that girlfriend or the abuse he inflicts through his attorney.
I have realized that his warped sense of truth and the snippets he uses to spin his reality into a feasible truth, one that looks true to those who are only getting the snapshots he used to create his story, are difficult to swallow at first but if you step back, gain your composure and use the truth to respond, that you then just have to sit back and be okay with the outcome. you have no control over who sees his lies as truth.
Most of us have been micromanaged our whole life with our abuser, after all, there is no other way to handle a situation than their way. The trauma that was inflicted can be unrelenting in everyday life. Every day is a struggle to keep that trauma at bay and live a more normal life. A place where people openly accept your ideas and think you have something to offer the world.
What I have learned is we (the survivors) are not micromanagers of the world. We cannot change the narcissist/abuser, we cannot micromanage outcomes or other’s responses to our reality but we can keep our side of the street clean, and not create stories of our own and simply talk the truth.
Listen, there’s a lot of people that will find it hard to believe you were put through this or that it was as bad as it was. Your job is to simply tell the truth not convince them of that truth.
I will have to go to Court for yet another hearing. He’s weaving his web of lies to tell his story about why I don’t deserve my equity in our marital home. I’m going to tell my truth. I’m going to pray that the judge hears that truth and rules in my favor but if she doesn’t, then I will have to move on knowing that I’m still in a better place than I was married to him. I’m in a sense of speaking in a win/win situation because if that money is what it costs to be free, then I gladly hand it over.