INVIGORATED

ice-sun-1573083I can’t help it.  I feel invigorated.  I feel validated.  I beat my exes attorney in Supreme Court.  And I don’t think anyone but a survivor of abuse could understand.  Even though the victory can be overturned, it can’t be taken away.  After years of unfair decisions, no control over my own finances and continuing abuse after the divorce, I walked away finally vindicated.  The power of my life belongs squarely in my hands but the abuser never allowed me to be me when married.  He never allowed me access to marital money and then said I was bad with money.  You would be too if you were withheld basic needs and he kept you like a maid.  I was never even treated like a wife or an equal.  So walking in, representing myself and winning, put my power squarely in line with his power because he used someone else to continue his abuse and I stood up,  did my research, did my best to tell my side.  I went in as a underdog ( the lowly piece of shit former stay at home mom that they both labeled me as) and I came out the strong, valuable woman I always thought myself to be before I allowed this man and then his attorney to bullying me into thinking I was less.
What is funny is that me being served at work has not only become a joke at work with the Superintendent and his staff but a joke with the firm’s own process server.  When he comes now he apologizes, shakes his head and says, “I’m so sorry.”  These narcissists are so far removed from reality that how they appear as professionals doesn’t phase them.  They are blinded by their need for revenge.

I’ve been researching this upcoming appeal.  There is a lot of expense on his end in filing fees and asking and paying for Court Records.  The case cannot be argued again.  The new judge simply goes over what was said and rules again or at least that is my understanding.

I will be hiring an attorney for this if needed.  I could do this myself but I just don’t have the time.  If I were not working, I could research in the law library. It was my forte but I just don’t have the time to do it.

To understand what it is like for a narcissist to lose you have to imagine what it is like to be a sole victim of society.  It is not their fault the judge doesn’t see how wronged they were (in their mind).  It is not their fault that the contract they wrote holds its weight in Court because now it is no longer serving them so it should be changed because they say so.  It is not their fault that any chance they had was destroyed by others. Narcissists are emotionally stunted and what may be charming and okay in a two year old is disturbing  in a 53 year old man.

Narcissists of all kinds rely on a very fragile system of thoughts, behaviors, internalized ideals, outright lies, and sources of Narcissistic feed to function. But, Narcissists themselves are volatile, unreliable, angry, immature, and erratic.  The Narcissist’s attorney in court was clearly pissed he had lost and had a hard time hiding it.  In their minds, both of these Narcissists, see me as having done something wrong to them and no matter how many judges rule, if I ultimately win again in appeal’s court, and I believe I will, I will forever have done him wrong and he will beat that dead horse on his death bed.

Logically, if you separate things.  He is in breach of contract.  He may not like the contract his attorney wrote.  It may not serve him because the outcome of what was supposed to happen after the divorce (in his mind) did not happen but I haven’t wronged anyone. I lived up to my obligations in the contract.  Period.  He may not like that I ultimately could not and did not buy the house.  He may not like that it was a disaster after we moved and he walked in, even though I told him a million times it would not be ready and I would have to clean it out.  He may not like that he has to pay me my equity even though I am owed it, but I didn’t do anything to him.  I did not personally do a thing to him.  I did exactly as his contract, the one his attorney wrote, stated I had to do and in fact, went above and beyond that contract and my obligations.  So he can be volatile and he can be angry and his response and his attorney’s response is immature but that is the result of their own thought process, not mine.  Once we learn that their logic is not logical, we can better defend outselves and not feel like we have to walk on egg shells and second guess ourselves.  We can be our own advocate by just telling the truth.  Period.

Blessings.

 

 

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