As my mind settles and my trauma heals, I don’t write quite as often. Some of it is just that my world is changing so fast right now that I don’t have time but another part of it is I have found time to love. I have found time to love myself, love my time in my home where I feel safe, love the time I am spending with my college-aged sons, who live at home and I have enjoyed falling in love. Yes, I found love twice since leaving my abuser. The first man and I are still great friends and always will be. We just have separate paths and it ended in a mutually respectful way. It took a while, and I wasn’t looking, but I found love again and we are seemingly imperfectly perfect for each other.
I’m also working on my real estate licensing. My Assistant Teacher’s Certification and was thrown a curve ball last week that they are selling the house my kids and I have settled into. When I got the letter, I just thought it was a reminder to renew my lease as we had not quite been here a year and it was up in June. I was shocked to find it was a “we are not renewing letter.” After further investigation, I found out the company is selling all their properties. This is a double edge sword for me and my boys. On one hand, we are happy and love this house and do not want to move again. On the other hand, the market is so hot right now that there are more buyers than houses so for a new blossoming real estate agent, this is great news! I cried for four hours. Spoke with those closest to me and then got over myself. My 18-year-old son, who is working on a psychology degree, first year, was calm and insightful. He said, “Mom, we have always been okay, and we have lived in an abusive climate in a house we loved. I don’t want to move but we have no control over that and you and I both know it will work out.” I said to him, “You are so calm.” He said, “Well, I didn’t have to open the letter, I don’t have to find a place and I have no control over it. You have a right to be upset. You have to do all the work.”
What you realize after such an abusive relationship is that no matter what life throws at you, if you take your time to heal. If you work out your trauma and take your life back before moving on to someone else, wrenches like this in your life are a piece of cake because while you have no control over them, you certainly have control over how you handle them and how you let them affect you and that is one thing you could not do with your abuser.
There is no doubt that my higher power, God, is calling me to continue my path of downsizing and growing. He keeps pruning me, so I will blossom with even more blooms and he is constantly asking me to step out of my comfort zone. In love…I traveled for the first time alone recently. In life, moving again and the demands now to get my license done in the allotted time and my certification in the time it needs to be done. I also have a second job that I am working on getting certified in certain aspects of elder care. And here is the funny thing, when I finally am with the man I plan on being with, I won’t need half of these certifications, but it is a chance to learn and grow and increase my earning potential for my boys and I. My ex kept me from finishing my education. I was promised I could go back and finish my teaching degree, but it never happened. It was never the right time for him. So now, I’ll take all I can get and drown myself in it because I need to show my boys what it is to be resilient. What it’s like to not let life drag you down. My can-do attitude irritates my 21-year-old son, but I am hoping that one day he will be able to use my example as a source of strength during his hard times. We all have them, he will not be immune.
Easter and Spring are a time of renewal of life and growth. Cut off the dead branches. Go no contact with your abuser or as little contact as possible. Cut out time for yourself. Prune the emotional vampires from your life. Give yourself life as you work through the abuse and trauma. And remember, like all beautiful trees, it takes a while to become fruitful and majestic. It doesn’t happen overnight.