A journey in healing is not a straight line. It twists and turns. Sometimes you head backwards retracing your steps lost once again, trying to gain your footing.
Even after you are out of your abusive situation, you will run into situations that cause you to backtrack and rethink. It is important to be self-aware and honest with yourself. It is easy to get caught in a spiral of self-doubt and mistrust.
Your mental outlook is a huge part of your healing process. Conditions can be treated by spiritual healing but not all people, due to their karma or energy, can be healed. When we tap into our own spiritual resources, we can self-talk and pull ourselves out of what we deem as devastating or depressing situations. We can meditate and raise our vibration to a healthy level of energy to help us function through whatever obstacles and life challenges have been placed in our path to healing.
We have all been in positions where we emotionally shut down. Even myself who functions at a very high vibration has times when I just mentally shut down to protect myself. To protect myself from the dark shadows of trauma and hurt, or the pain of a current situation, I will shut myself down. All in all, knowing that I am not only hurting myself, but I am causing pain to those around me.
When we shut down we cause our families or our life partner pain. We shut them out and your partner can always sense, at a deep level when you are withholding your love. You may believe it is imperceptible, but it’s not to those who know you the best.
So, does a person have a right to shut the world off and want to be free from any responsibility? Yes. But if you feel the need to do that, then a conversation needs to be had. Not to ask permission but rather to say, I am on overload and need to think. I need space and I need quiet and I need to be by myself. This isn’t about us. It is about work or loss or whatever it is and if it is about the relationship, then you should be honest. Because should you stay together, you will have lost trust.
What if you are in a relationship with someone who does this without explaining? Well, as you know, if you have suffered abuse or any mental games at all and are accustomed to being ignored or distanced for fun and game, then this can be a huge trigger. Even for someone like myself who has done a hell of a lot of work can still be triggered but I have friends that I can turn to so that I don’t have to “bother” my loved one when he is dealing, and I also have an honest relationship. There are days when I know I can say how I feel without loading more on his already over flowing plate. But more important than all of that, although communication is huge for me, is trust in the man himself. I love him enough to not make him suffer as an innocent man for another man’s abuse. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I trust his word. I have too much to lose if I don’t.
It’s important to note that we all need to disappear occasionally. We all have our limits. For some of us it’s a weekend and we are refreshed and ready. For others, depending on what they are dealing with, it can be much longer. Not necessarily disappearing but not being present mentally and emotionally even though they are physically there. It’s hard. It sucks but if you love the person you will support them through it knowing that right now you are giving 90 percent and they are giving 10. It is a process, that should bring you closer once they are through it, but you must go through it with no resentment and no fear. Just bring love and trust and compassion. And during those down times when they are in their own head or doing their own thing, work on yourself. Self-reflect. Don’t talk yourself out of hurting but rather figure out why you are hurting. Dig deep, write it down. If it leaves you feeling lonely. And it will because they are not emotionally there, then do something you have always wanted to do. Make a quilt, make a difficult new recipe, go out with a girlfriend…anything that keeps you nourished and happy so that you can be there for them at this difficult time and when you have had enough, then you will have to have an honest, open, caring conversation.
In the meantime, remember, they are not the abuser. They are in self preservation mode and they are doing their very best right now and they deserve the respect of you giving them space. Because when it is truly love, you can comfortably do that.