We spend time together through my blog but I am more than just a survivor of narcissistic domestic abuse. I am also a Mom of two sons. 21 and 18. I write, quilt, crochet, knit, bake and cook and paint. To name a few of my “dabblings”. So, I’m creative. But I am also analytical. I was a paralegal so I have the aptitude for things non-creative as well. I like words and word play. I am also a very playful person.
I’m a communicator and honest to a fault but have learned as I’ve gotten got older to rein it in a bit so as to not shock anyone.
I went to school for special ed with a minor in music (vocal) but while in college had a professor who saw my analytical side and got me a job with his brother as a paralegal. I fell in love with the job and part time turned into full time and I put my education degree on hold always planning to finish but after getting married was always told it wasn’t the right time. I stuck with the paralegal work so that my soon to be husband could build his business and I made crazy money with benefits at that time. I worked three jobs to support his start up of what would become his business. To this day, some 23 years later, he is still open. I have an education in paralegal studies but not in my original chosen profession. Something I have always regretted.
After being home 16 years to raise our children (so he wouldn’t have to pay childcare or leave his business to help) and working out of my home, it was time to get a job with the impending divorce. I now work with non verbal autistic children/teens as an Assistant Teacher and my second job is taking care of dementia/Alzheimer’s patients. Believe it or not, they are quite similar jobs.
I am passionate, quirky, sensitive, fierce when I need to be. I’m very comfortable around dying people. Weird, I know, but I consider it a privilege to be able to hold their hand as they cross over. Usually it is a client of mine and I am able to talk to them about all the wonderful things they have had on this earth. People very often shed a tear as they are leaving us. Not a lot of people know that. I don’t fall in love easy but when I do, I am all in. I giggle a lot. I think I’m hilarious but my children do not.
I believe in telling someone if you love them or if you think they have beautiful eyes or a great tattoo. I will often approach strangers and have had the most wonderful conversations. People open up to me and through my blog I get to talk with and support so many people who are going through what I have already left behind and I consider it a blessing to be able to do so. Often when in public, my kids will say, “Did you know that person?” I say, ” I didn’t but I do now.”
I am a very spiritual person. I have faults…too many to name. But here are a few. If I am in a funk I will procrastinate horribly. I can sometimes talk too much. I over analyze things but I think that comes with the territory of being abused and always being questioned. I’m working hard on that. I can put sentimental value on a speck of dust but have greatly improved in this area over the past 3 years. (Read that as I have a hard time letting go of junk in the house) I have been told I can be too independent at times. That I am not alone and need to reach out more. I can be really stubborn. (Dutch trait) and I am a grammar and spelling Nazi.
The three words I get the most from others to describe me is: Passionate, mysterious and caring. Mysterious always cracks me up because I am such an open person but I think people are so used to bullshit that someone who is open seems mysterious. It is always men who say mysterious so that leads me to believe that it is the lack of games they find mysterious.
I love classic cars and fast cars. I love a man, like my Dad, who knows how to drive. And music. I love music. I sing all day long, even at work and have music on constantly at home. I have no problems singing at the top of my lungs or breaking out in dance at any given moment at least once a day, if not more. I’ve never been embarrassed to be me and embrace a moment.
I am studying to take my NYS real estate exam as well as other training right now for my two jobs. Can you say busy?
I am extremely proud of my children and their ability to work through and succeed beyond the domestic abuse. They are on great paths with their education. One is a chemistry/forensics double major and one is starting his psychology degree. They are smart, funny and witty and we have a wonderful, open and honest relationship.
I’ve been lucky. Since breaking away from my abuser I have had two amazing men in my life. The first relationship did not work out because of our different ideas of what the future should look like but we still are the greatest of friends. The man in my life at the present moment is the one I have always been looking for and he has been in front of me since we were about 12. He makes me feel safe, respected and loved. I want to share everything with him and feel comfortable doing so. That’s saying a lot when you have been through everything I have been through. We balance each other out and are both passionate and share a lot of the same foundation (small down values) and interests. But I can tell you that both of these men let me be me. I have real, trusting, communicative, loving relationships with both but the man I am with now, has something special about him that separates the two. One a friend now and one my love. What you should take away from this: Break away, work on yourself, really good love is waiting.
It doesn’t take much to make me happy. I love splashing in puddles, a simple text that lets me know you are thinking about me, holding hands, talking about the future. I just love really simple, communicative, demonstrative things. I wouldn’t turn down a bracelet or material gesture but I don’t need it.
I am the first to admit what I have shared about me today is just the tip of the iceberg.
I write from my heart so you know my painful journey and my spiritual self from my writings but I wanted to share a little bit more of me as we continue on this journey.