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Be prepared as you go through one of the hardest times of your life, that there will be people who will be silently judging  you and some will even flat out say it to your face.  The looks, the sighs, the retreats as you struggle to recognize and deal with your reality hurts almost as much coming from someone who is supposed to support you as the words, emotional abuse and physical abuse was from your abuser.  We know that people who love us can question and hurt, but when we come to realize our reality and grab hold of the truth of what we have been hiding, we do not expect to be sucker punched by those who are supposed to be helping us keep our head above the water during this excruciating time.

Some will think you are stretching the truth.  Probably because a lot of our lives seem like something that they would see in a movie and movies are movies, they are not real so she has to be exaggerating the truth. What they fail to understand is that we have been there.  We have been in that skeptical spot.  We have been confused because never in our wildest dreams did we EVER think someone could treat another human this way.  It took us, the abused, a long time to recognize that this indeed was our life and guess what “Judge Judy”… The Burning Bed…that is for real!  That is someone’s real life and sometimes it is your best friend or cousin or neighbor that sits in judgement but this is our life and when we tell you about it, it is the recognition of the lie we have been living and don’t want to live anymore.  It is the abused working through the trauma by not hiding any more.  We have all said to someone, our child or spouse or sister, “You’ve taken the first step, you have recognized the problem, now you have no excuses, you know what you need to do.” (or something similar)  Guess what skeptic?  It applies here too and by telling you, the ones we trust or feel we need to share with, we are not saying that in the relationship we were perfect in anyway but simply that what we did, in our imperfection, did not warrant being choked or being so fearful you have to lock yourself in a bathroom.  It did not warrant the silent treatment for days on end. It did not warrant being told we were not worthy of love for something as simple as calling him at work or making what you thought he loved for dinner, because he loved it last time, to find out today, he has decided he hates dinner and throws it into the trash or against the wall, telling you how disappointed he is in  you.  NONE of those things warranted the response and what we went through with our abusers. You went to bed mad or hurt.  We went to bed beaten emotionally and bruised.

So to those that are abused or were abused and are leaving relationships, you have to be weary of those who question your reality.  There would be no reason, for me, as a blogger to make my reality up.  If I wanted to make something up, I could write a book and call it fiction or say it was based in truth.  Every word on this blog is my traumatic recollection of my personal hell and I will be damned if I will let anyone question my reality.  I suggest you do the same and remember that ignorance is bliss.  Not everyone can bear to hear the pain we are going through or have gone through.  I always tell my ex, if you don’t want to read about it, you might have thought about what you were doing at the time.  See, it hurts him to see it and it bothers him that others now know his truth and he just wants to be happy and move on.  Just forget it and move on MaryLee.  I have let it go, I will not forget it.  That doesn’t mean it holds me prisoner.  It means I will no longer hide behind the truth because it may tarnish his fake exterior.

Here is the clincher.  I have moved on and I am very happy but I suffered for 28 years and one of the best things in my day is seeing a new follower or getting a new message or emailing with someone who needs private answers.

So if your best friend, cousin, neighbor , whomever, is skeptical, you are welcomed here.  I will always validate you and what you have gone through.  I believe you.  Let them go until you are in a position to forgive their stupidity.




  1. Yes, you are absolutely right. One of the worst parts was people invalidating my reality, which he was already doing, therefore making me feel and reinforcing that I was crazy or over-reacting. I still get people embarrassed that I am (apparently) ‘bitter’ or ‘ranting’, who say that ‘they found him a nice guy’. I get very triggered by it, although, of course, they are also entitled to experience their own reality of his behaviour. Thank you- great post!


    1. I get it. You are questioning or sanity because you know what was said or done and then someone, who you are supposed to trust and who is supposed to love you, derails you more. I just walked away from those people. Some I added back to my life later and some I just had no desire to have in my life but there was no way I was going to get healthy with the negativity around me.

      Liked by 1 person

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