This will be short and sweet.
You will NEVER understand the stupidity and gall of a narcissist. EVER.
Mine called yesterday and left a message that went something like this: “Hey, good morning. I was recently talking with our son this last week and it’s very exciting he got his (college) classes going. What a difference it will be for her, I mean him, this time around… I hope. (Our son, took time off, due to his issues with his father but since the Narc is not all that involved, he just passes judgment and assumes it’s laziness instead of self preservation) The only problem is he kind of got registered incorrectly and he needs to go to MCC in person to change his status changed so he can get financial aid (now, I was told when I helped our son register, he could not get registered that way because we were late but if we were told wrong…great!) (Keep in mind this is Thursday morning) I can’t take him to school Thursday or Friday to make those changes. (Read to be today or tomorrow) I tried to get him to go when I could take him but he did not respond.” That was the gist of this voicemail that was 2 mins long.
I email him back. “I’m sorry, I’m unavailable today and tomorrow.” (Which is true. I worked at 12 hour day yesterday and today I am busy as well) There are a few things that go into play here. Sometimes our son avoids him because he does not want to deal with him and a lot of times, the Narc does not follow through with dates and times etc. There are a lot of miscommunications and I have to believe responsibility falls on the Narc because he is the parent and we had the same issues often in our marriage.
Now, the Narc, is trying to emancipate his son a year early because he works and goes to school. His attorney pretty much called my son a slacker for not going to school last year without knowing the psychological turmoil he was dealing with. The Narc writes back, “Glad you are not interested in helping him.”
This is where in past years I would’ve gone crazy trying to prove to him my love for our child. I would have thought to myself how can he think that when I do this and this and this and he knows I’m busy with that? But now, I just laugh. I am still in NY so my kids can finish college and have a home base. *they won’t live with their Dad) I have single-handedly raised these children by myself; unless he chose to interfere or try to control. Yesterday, I did not once feel the need to defend myself against his Narc thoughts. Instead, I wrote back, “That is a comical response coming from someone who is trying to emancipate his son and treating him as if he deserves less than your older son. Priceless really!”
I knew I would not hear back. When challenged Narcs are cowards. More importantly, and this is where the stupid comes in, is his lack of reality. I’m pretty sure he can’t put two and two together and he probably has his girlfriend I am sure believing, if he even told her, that this cuts all ties with me but he will always find a way to control and he still has control over the 529 college fund, soooo… There are still graduations and weddings and such for him to try to control what happens and the outcome. Emancipating his son is just so he can Keep his initial promise to ruin me financially. Something he has threatened from the beginning of our separation He has sued me 6 times in 7 years and he just found another way to do it. Luckily, all other attempts, throughout this past 7 years has failed.
Most importantly, though is my growth. A comment that would’ve sent me dove-tailing instead made me laugh and that, my friends, is a sign of growth! He no longer gets under my skin. I have worked hard and must admit I am blessed I have a boyfriend who takes it all in and logically helps me deal. He has been a part of my growth for the past few years.
Honestly, I’m upset about the emancipation because of how my son looks at it. Yes, it will be a huge financial burden for us but I always persevere. What bothers me most is that I cannot control how he hurts our boys but I can control over whether he affects me any longer and I’m happy to say, “No!”
The Narc will never be “normal”. He’s a very smart man but is so wrapped up in what is best for him, that he is painfully dumb. He is going to lose so much. (If he wins, which I expect he will this time, our son will not see him) It won’t be forever, I hope, but it will be painful for me because he is the hurricane and I am FEMA. And that friends, is part of the reason, I am still here for my children until they finish college or at least get close to the end. No child should be cast aside for the benefit of your selfishness. Another stupid move from a intelligent man with no cares of what the backlash will be.
I don’t do stupid well. Especially, if I’m the one picking up the pieces afterward.